Dear John Paul,
I am writing you again in the wee hours of the morning...you look so peacefully quiet, all snuggled up the way your dad left you before he went to bed. Unfortunately, I had to cancel your eye therapist appointment on Monday because the cold I thought I had kicked, came back and the therapists won't come unless everyone in the house is healthy. They don't want to bring germs to the next house they visit...which I definitely can appreciate. I am feeling a lot better now though and we should be on for your regular PT and first baby massage session tomorrow morning! I guess at this point it is actually today....I will probably be writing you a lot of late night/early morning letters in the next few weeks as we are down to one nurse with our current nursing agency and will be switching to a new agency next week....and that means a lot of screening and training of new nurses...
I feel like perhaps I should clarify something I wrote you a couple of letters back....His yoke is light....It's not that your condition becomes easy or that we cease to suffer....no, there is suffering. I definitely cried until my eyes were swollen shut the day I learned your diagnoses. But suffering is a necessary part of our life on earth...and we should be grateful for it because it is the way we will be able to get to heaven some day. It is what we do with our suffering that is most important....do we hide from it, try to avoid it at all costs...or at others' cost? Do we get angry about it? Or do we see it for what it is....an opportunity. John Paul, suffering is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to love God, love others and to grow in virtue.
All worthwhile endeavors require sacrifice and suffering....the athlete training for the race, undergoes intense physical suffering and is rewarded with a medal. A doctor submits to the rigors of med school and is rewarded with respect and prestige. Suffering is made tolerable in light of its purpose.
John Paul, you have a beautiful purpose.
The yoke of caring for you is light because with it comes a great opportunity to love and experience God's great desire for me to be with Him heaven some day.
I hope as you grow, you will learn to use your own suffering as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to unite yourself with Christ's suffering on the cross and to get to know Jesus better. It is an opportunity to grow in virtue and help win graces for other people. It is your opportunity to get to heaven.
I know this is heavy stuff for a 5 month old! But my hope is that you will be able to read this and appreciate it some day....and I hope that my writing this now, will bring it even more meaning in the context of my reflections at the beginning of this journey we are on together.
Thank you for the opportunity to love you,